It seems a Jewish family had rented an apartment
that sat directly under the Masonic Temple, and at
least once a month they would always hear this
stomping from above. One day Izzy told his wife he
was going to drill a hole in the ceiling and see what
those Masons were up to. After doing so, one
evening he heard some stomping coming from above,
so he got his ladder, climbed up and decided to take a peek.
After a few moments, he flew down the ladder and ran in and told his
wife
to pack all their belongs and
"Let's get out of here and fast !!!" When she
asked why, Izzy told her that he was just peeking
in on the Masons above and saw them kill a man and
said they were going to blame it on the
'JEW-BELOW.'
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A little before Lodge
is about to open an old man
totters up to the Tyler and says, "I'm here to
receive my 2nd degree." Well, they all look at
this guy, who really is older than dirt, and they
ask him to explain. "I was entered on July 4,
1922. Now I'm ready for my 2nd degree." So they go
scurrying for the records, and sure enough, there
was his name, entered on July 4, 1922. "Where have
you been all these years? What took you so long to
be ready for your 2nd?" they ask. Reply: "Learning
to subdue my passions!"
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A small Lodge had had a string of bad luck. It was
preparing to initiate a candidate on a steamy evening
in June and it's air conditioner had stopped
working. After sweating their way through part of
the work, the Master had asked the candidate what
he most desired. The candidate replied "a beer".
At this juncture the WM., being startled,
whispered "light" to the candidate. "OK," the
candidate replied, "a lite beer."
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A man is walking through the recreation area of
his local park when he notices a huge fight in
full fury on the football field he is passing.
"What's going on?" he asks a spectator watching
from the sidelines. The other replies, "It's a
game between the Masons and the Knights of
Columbus." "What's the score?", asks the first
man. "I don't know, it's a secret."
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As an outlaw was about to be hanged, he was asked by the hangman if he had any last words.
The outlaw said he did and started, "I was framed by the Freemasons!"
"What do you mean?", asked the hangman.
"The guy who said I stole his horse is a Freemason. The sheriff is a Freemason. The posse had 11 of 12 men who are Freemasons. The jury that tried me had 12 Freemasons and to top it off, the judge was a Freemason. I was framed by the Masons!!!"
The hangman asked if there was any more the horse thief wanted to say and the answer being, "No", the hangman said, "Take one step with your left foot."
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Pat & Bill had been Lodge Brothers for many years. They had promised each other long ago that the first to go to the Grand Lodge above would return to tell the other whether there really were Lodges in Heaven and what they were like.
By and by, it came to pass that Bill went first.
One day shortly after, Pat was working in his garden when he heard a whispered voice, " Pssst Pat!"
He looked around but saw nothing. A few moments later he heard, now quite clearly " Pat! Its me, Bill!"
"Bill" Pat exclaimed, "are you in Heaven?"
"Indeed I am" said Bill.
Pat paused for a while to get over the shock and then said " Well, Bill, are there Lodges up there in Heaven?"
"There certainly are, Pat. There are Lodges all over and they are quite magnificent, equal or better than any we have seen. The meetings are well attended, the ritual is word perfect, the festive board fantastic and the spirit of Masonic Fellowship is all pervasive."
" My goodness, Bill," said Pat, " It certainly sounds very impressive but for all that you seem rather sad. Tell me old friend, what is the matter."
" Well, Pat, you are right. I have some good news and some bad."
" OK, Whats the good news?"
" The good news is that we are doing a 3rd this coming Wednesday"
"Great" said Pat. " What's the bad news then?"
" You're the Senior Deacon! "
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The Worshipful Master of our Lodge found a bottle with a Genie in it. In accordance with custom, the Genie offered to grant him a wish.
"OK," said the WM, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I hate to fly. So my wish is for you to build a bridge so I can drive to Hawaii."
"I can't do that!!!" exclaimed the Genie. "Don't you know that's impossible? No Genie could do that. It's too far, the water is too deep, it's just totally beyond anybody's power. You will have to make another wish."
"OK," said the Master. "I wish that at our next Stated Meeting all the old PMs would just get along and not cause any trouble, not have to tell us how they did it their year, not complain about the ritual, not put down the current officers ... just sit on the sidelines and behave!"
"Hmmmmm," said the Genie. "Do you want that bridge with 2 lanes or 4??"
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How many masons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Don't know?
Nor do I, cos it's a secret!!!
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Q: How many Masons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to screw it in, one to read the minutes of the previous lightbulb replacement, and one to sit on the sidelines and complain about the way they USED to screw in lightbulbs.
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Postman
A postman, on his route, picked up a letter from a mailbox that was addressed to GOD. The postman, seeing that the letter was not sealed, and there being no postage on it, opened and read it. It was from a man who was down on his luck, and was asking God for help. The letter asked for $50 to get his family through the next week. The postman, being a Mason, took the letter to Lodge that evening, read it, and asked for donations for the unfortunate fellow. The Masons, wanting to help, took up a collection, and received twenty five dollars from the brethren. The Secretary placed the cash in a Lodge envelope, and gave it to the postman to deliver the following day, which he did. Another day passed, and the postman again found an unsealed letter in the mailbox addressed to GOD. Again he opened and read the letter, which thanked God for the money, but instructed him to send any future funds through the Knights of Columbus, as the Masons had kept half.
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DO-GOODERS!
There is the incident of the Irish cop who stopped a carful of Shriners for speeding. When he was that they were wearing fezes he said, "Oh! Your Shriners are you? Then I'll letyou off this time because they do a lot of good. BUT if you were Masons I'd run you all in.
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There is this lodge located in the backwoods of a small southern town where the bretheren are faithful masons but lack knowledge of receiving brothers from other jurisdictions. During one of the meetings, the JD informs the WM that there was an alarm at the door where upon the WM replied "Attend the alarm and report your findings ". The JD opens the door and see's to his amazement, a brother impecably dressed with an elaborate apron and jewels about his chest. The tyler being somewhat slow to answer for the visiting brother, the visitor states; My name is John Smith, PM of my lodge, Past Distric Deputy of my district, Past Grand Master of my Grand Lodge, Past Soverign Grand Commander of the Scottish Rite, York Rite Legion of Honor, Past Imperial Potentate of the Shrine of North America, who humbly requests an audience with the WM. The JD upon hearing these words from the visiting brother and the elaborate apron and jewels upon his chest, immediately closes the door, returns to his post and informs the WM: "Worshipful Master, The Grand Architect of the Universe is at the door"!!!
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One night Rabbie Burns (Scottish Bard) was at a night out when he saw this gorgeous woman. Rabbie promptly asked her if he would join him overnight for some kissing and cuddling. The woman said "yes, but only if you make me a mason". Rabbie said "yes", and the woman followed him home. "Will you make me a mason" she asks Rabbie. "Yes" he replied, but you will need to take your clothes off. The woman tore her clothes off and the had a passionate night together. Waking in the morning the lady asks "Rabbie, have you made me a mason yet". He replied "No, but may this be a prick of torture to your flesh in the meantime"
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two candidates were elected to enter on the same lodge night, one was a butcher and the other a sales rep. on the night of initiation the butcher went in first,when it came to the charge at the north east corner it was discovered that he had a quarter pound of liver in his pocket that he was going to deliver on his way home, obviously this had to be taken away. the JD took this to the tyler and said this is the butchers liver ,and to this day we havnt seen the sales rep
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Two non Masons were passing a lodge after have quite a few drinks.
What do you think goes on in there? asks one.
I don't know but I am going in to find out, said the other.
After two or three minutes he comes flying out of the door all bloody and clothes ripped.
What happened to you? asks the first.
Well he said, after passing through the entryway, I climbed a winding stair. When I got to the top I came to a door with a small door at head height and so I knocked.
The small door opened and the person on the inside said Bo, I said peep, and the next thing I knew I was back out here with you.
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A freemason found himself a contestant on the popular tv show "mastermind".
after the presenter had exchanged the usual greetings and enquired his name and occupation the brother declared his "chosen specialist subject" to be "the history of Scottish Freemasonry since the foundation of Grand Lodge" the first question was, in what year was the Grand Lodge of Scotland founded? to which the brother answered "pass".
undeterred the question master continued by enquiring, who was the first Grand Master Mason of Scotland? as in the former instance the brother's answer was "pass". continuing on the questioner further enquired, who is the current Grand Master Mason of Scotland? and for a third time the answer was "pass". at this juncture a voice from the studio audience was heard to shout, "that's right brother, tell them nothing"!
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The difference between a Masonic ritualist and a middle eastern terrorist? You can negotiate with the terrorist!
Konu: This is what i have found! (Okunma sayısı 15875 defa)
Ocak 24, 2009, 12:17:54 ös